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April, 2009 Communication KeysListening is a critical skill—for business and life. Take this test to see how your listening skills stack up.By Tom Fife I pass out an evaluation form at almost all of my presentations to help me improve and help the attendees prioritize what they learned. My favorite questions are, “What topic was most helpful?” and “What have you learned that you want to go back and implement?” By far the lion’s share of answers state communication skills (to include listening) in one or both of these answers. Most of the communications lessons that we humans received came early in life through the wisdom of our parents. You might recall phrases like. “Don’t speak with your mouth full.” “If you can’t say anything nice about someone, then don’t say anything at all.” “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me.” My personal favorite was: “It is better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you are an idiot than to open it and let everyone know you are one.” It is no surprise we have the greatest challenges in life with communication, yet equipped with these meager communication gems in our pocket we are set off to find our fortunes in life. When the topic was listening, the rule was simple: “Shut up and listen to me!” “Speak only when you are spoken to.” “Don’t interrupt me until I have finished! Pay attention! Look at me when I am speaking to you!” Is it any wonder that folks are starved for some information on how we can really communicate? Communication is the process by which we share ideas and connect with each other. With good communication, ideas become achievements, burdens are lightened, feelings are shared and the once impossible becomes reality. Listening is the most difficult part of good communication by far. Some say God gave us two ears and one mouth because we should be listening twice as much as we are talking. Others will say we have two ears because it is twice as difficult to listen as it is to speak. Whether at work, home or play, we generally are not being good listeners. We’re not even aware of the process itself. Some of the ways that we can become a good active listener is to maintain eye contact, use positive non-verbals to include all body language awareness. Ask pertinent questions or paraphrase what you hear. Wait 1-3 seconds to respond after someone has stopped talking. DON’T interrupt! Respond, not react to what is being said. Put yourself in the talker’s shoes. Listen with empathy. Give total focus and don’t formulate your thoughts while another is speaking. Truly WANT to be a good listener! I can help give a holler. TOM FIFE is a 20-year veteran of the construction supply business and president of Unionville, Ind.-based Challenges Inc., a speaking, training and consulting firm. Seminar topics include employee motivation and retention, customer service, management skills and yard foreman skills. For additional information, call at 812.330.1640, e-mail tom@tomfife.com, or visit www.tomfife.com. RATE YOURSELF AS A LISTENER. GIVE POINTS AS FOLLOWS: Listen to gain understanding, gather information and with all your senses and heart
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